Without the encroaching, there is no motivation
But not at the expense of your character
That lackluster
sluggish amplitude modulation
singing from the throat
Corpus Callosum has nothing to do with death
but your fading decaying communication does not follow
and this absence is the parallel
that is fucking killing me.
That, in itself used to spawn much suffering. Now, it leaves the strongest sense of commitment to exposure. Profound internal obsessions peer from behind the skirt and offer sweet whispers that appear benign and harmless. Forked are the tongues. With piss and bitterness. That old schema to denounce, to distrust, to wail and complain. The bio-survival imprinting that leaves the spirit spinning into confusion in some Bardo. Prostituting opinions under the guise of hapless oblivious Ego. Filled with piss and bitterness.
That being said, Eye know happiness. "I just want to be at peace and content". This animal has an apetite and devours experience. Not absconds from the experience. itself resenting the capacity of others to accompany this flagellation or flatulence. Eukayotic idiotic irreducibly complex molecular machines inane. So beautiful.
Difficult as it may be. Writing declares ownership. A liability that has never felt comfortable. Especially in the first person. Often it remains inert due to the fact it is only shared amongst a carefully selected audience. Which is revealing...come to think of it. If the inherent nature of the traumatized (to affirm its existence) is to remain secretive and somehow passively cast and audition (conveniently) amongst like minds leaves the violence out the expression. There is a great degree of emotional energy connected and left for stagnation. To remain sleepless and turning revolutions and pull the fist is simply not delivering.
Yet, the writings continue and the paintings manifest. All left to the unresponsive collective that usually remains close. If it were not for the continuous support of some of my deep friends, some new, some left to their own lives, this would probably not be the case. Offense is the gratification obtained and this method of "lost suffering pariah" is just not working. Nor, can anyone allow the punishments of navigating my thoughts. Its a gale and not defeating. Just continuous and rapidly resilient.
Walking in and out of lives it is hoped that the effect is significant. Though there is a great measure of respect for those who have stood by me. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder#.27Secret_schizoid.27
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