large eyes and the dancing orange about the crucible
alive but its mouth silently opens
cat calls and rolling tender
tinder, like the beginning
brought forth by day
the amnesia of sleeping birth
held in mysteries of photographic memories
not of your owning, never of your taking
an inheritance, a heredity we share
sympathies to mysteries
fantasies to realities
the games of creation
the order of chaos
I watched as she receded in the period known vulgarly as death. She went retrograde, descalating in complexity down to child, infant, stasis, then essence. The images flashed as memories, hauntings, pleasures, gifts, and sorrows. All transitions blurring. To hang on to pain and suffering for the dying inner child to deal with, is cruelty. May I be forgiven for what I have done, and given strength to tend all that is left to do. Preparing not for death, but blessing the essence as it transforms back into the gift.
Got Rhys' lomographic camera. Haven't given it to him yet. He got his cruiser though:
He loves this board. Success. :)
We also got him a dog. Here is some back story with Rhys and dogs...When he was three and we lived in Hawaii, I convinced his mom to get a pup. We went to the pound and got some little pit mix pup. It was chewing shit up and piddling on the floor. Then it got annoyed at the three year old over food and frightened rhys' mom. She made us take the puppy back the next day. Rhys wept. crying for his pup. It broke my heart and I was so angry at his mom.
So leaving the guilt on her hahaha....
Rhys and I went to a local shelter and he picked this cute pup out. A terrier mix that was brought to Spokane from LA as a last chance attempt. We got him (Fitzhugh) and brought him home. My weiner dog, Austin, loved him. They played and then I told Rhys to take Fitz out. He ditched and we never caught him. Gone. Another dog for a day. Rhys may or may not have cried.
This was Friday. We have not seen him and worried for days. Until:
I checked the dog jails:
Little shit. Rhys hates the nickname I have given him:
Fitzhugh= Fuckhugh.
We are relieved. Don't get locked up on Fridays or holiday weekends.
"Tahuti standeth in His splendour at the prow, and Ra-Hoor abideth at the helm..." Liber Resh
The place on land "proventially set apart for dance-houses, doxies and tapsters..." -Melville
The Land of Khem where the City of pyramids dwell. The brackish mire of Fiddler's green where the five rivers converge. The great mouth shored with corpses poised as teeth, where the Aghori feed. The beaches of Nastrond.
The Seventh soul: Remains
The ferryman brings me to the pools of reflection. The five rivers spill into a spiraling mirror the bloods of hatred, sulphers of pain, the cloudy sediments of forgetful dreaming, the burning caustic alcohol of passion, the wailing salty tears of the sirens, circling in seven. Then bestowing the seven virtues.
The Sixth soul: Mirrors and Memory
The vision above. The field hospital at the edges of the delta. Western bank. Staring through a thatched roof. Sunlight pouring in. A hawk and a carrion turn above me.
Harris Hawk
Carrion Crow
23. and it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness, yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost. (1 Nephi 8:23)
23. I am alone: there is no God where I am. (The Book of the Law)
The Fifth soul: My Shadow
In the door stood my shadow. Motioning me to rise and follow. In the moonlight through the tall grass and reeds. A reed flute plays and the sounds the cries of the Canidae. The tapetum lucidum beads weave between silhouettes and fog.
The Fourth Soul: Maat
The slenderman takes me to the white door of twilight and the black monolith of the unknown. Here my heart is weighed by the feathers of the raptor and carrion. Winne Ah Pook holds the scale. He stands between the crossroads at the gate and motions me to come through the middle path, between severity and mercy. A gang of teckles join along side me: Toosweet and Dutchess, Brianna and Brandie Dawn, Biscuit and Raggamuffin...I smile and move forward.
The Third Soul: My Holy Guardian Angel
Its headed undulating forms. Canidae, foxes, Jackles...The Ganeshian nose of a tapir. a reed flute in one hand, a red and black necklace, a bag of toys. Multiple arms. The tusks of a pig. It holds a chalice of warm poppy milk. Upon its chest an hourglass shape. Eyes of a black widow. A kind face filled with humor.
The androgynous features of strength and love form its chest.
Behind it's towering body glows bright.
Hecate
The Second Soul: Shakti and the DNA
The first Soul: E.S. Fox, Mikhale, Dad, Son, Brother, Lover, AnuExu, ...Bindu. The Ghost Note.
This is my book. This is my film. Don't mean to spoil it for you, but in the end He dies. Then goes on to the Western lands.... Universe B?
Went tonight and watched Krampus at the theater with Jay and Rhys. Good time. Night before last I had a wonderful conversation with my son regarding the shells and Holy Guardian Angels. A moment that really will stay with me. I had to thank the higher for that opportunity.
A few years back, Rhys and I celebrated Krampus by making costumes and prowling around my moms place. We had to explain the mythos and his mother was not pleased. :)
A friend said that there is a tibetan practice involving meditating on the nature of your ideal partnership or relationship. The thought of being with a partner involved with Thelema didn't cross my mind. It centers at the core of what I live for and I didn't make that connection until much later. The consideration requires little in terms of reasoning. In truth, it revolves more around the illogical joys of the Thelemic practice.
52 cards for every week in traditional playing cards. 13 cards are featured in different suits to depict the thirteen lunar months and each suit for each season. The red for warmth and feminine and black for cold masculine.
The ace of spade for the Winter Solstice, the ace of club for Vernal Equinox, the ace of heart for Summer Solstice, and the ace of diamond for Autumnal Equinox.
Learning poker strategies. Gambling can seem ego reinforcing too the irreverent. Powerful to the deluded.
These cards come from an older providence.
What the fuck ever. I am maya.
George and the Apaches would drop the death cards in Vietnam. The darkside of the tree of life, the western shells brought forth and traded for life after death.
To be a product of the western mind, just not far enough from the east:
Steeped in a material and production mindset to be part of that which is consumed destined to become shit:
I just found out that Sheldon Wolin headed west back in October. Scott Weiland just broke on through.
I still have not read any of Wolin's books, but enjoy what information I have lifted from interviews and articles. Democracy Inc, among many titles to read in the near future.
Austrian Economics interests me. Recently, I discussed with a friend how my personal affinities and philosophies differ from what I might suggest as a worthwhile proposition for the current era. For instance: I love the socio-anarcho principles of Benjamin Tucker, printed on industrial parchment or delivered on corporate fiber optic lines.
Cryptocurrency for Cryptoterrestrials?
rhys is a crunchy old sock that has been in the back of an old obese man named philip's pants and who has been staring at you for the past twenty minutes of the bus ride. (<---a by="" clandestine="" for="" left="" message="" my="" p="" pleasure="" reading="" rhys="" son="" your="">
